Rules for Toothless
by Natsumi Wakabe
Summary: There are some things that even dragons need to learn. A list of rules that Toothless has to live by.
1. Beds

Disclaimer: Natsumi does not own How to Train Your Dragon. No matter how much plotting she does. Which reminds me, I have to go and take away her spy gear before she decides that breaking into DreamWorks and stealing the rights to it is a good idea. If you'll excuse me.

A/N: Okay, so, we secretaries have finally decided to let Natsumi have a small something to keep her happy so she doesn't spontaneously combust from not having something to write. Meh, writers, so demanding. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go and sleep now. Honestly, the things we do for her. Have fun, and please review. Onoro out.

Things Toothless is not Allowed to Do

_1. Toothless is not allowed to sleep in the bed with Hiccup_

It was night in the village of Berk, home to Vikings and dragons. For once, it was mostly quiet, with many of the dragons inside of their barns or resting on top of roofs. Most of the Vikings had vacated the streets in favor of their houses, each eager to be out of the cold winter air. And in the house of Stoick the Vast and Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, the two humans inside were just beginning to go to bed. As Hiccup limped his way upstairs to his bed, his ever faithful dragon followed behind him. As the two climbed the stairs, with Toothless giving Hiccup the occasional bump up, Hiccup began to feel the pull of sleep with each step up. By the time they reached his bed - now returned to its proper place upstairs after he was done healing – he was almost dead to the world. All he really wanted right now was to curl up in bed, underneath all of his blankets and furs that had grown since the brief summer that Berk had had. It took a few tries, but he was finally able to slip off his prosthetic leg and hang it up on the nail that had been put into the side of his bed after his first day back on his feet after defeating the Queen Dragon. Finally, he crawled into bed, dead to the world as his head hit the pillow.

He wasn't, however, destined to stay that way for long.

A couple of hours later, he woke to the strange feeling of being watched. At first, he ignored it, rolling onto his side, and trying to go back to sleep. But as he lay there, he found that he couldn't fall back asleep. He tossed and turned, pulled the covers over his head and even stuck his head under his pillows, but he still couldn't sleep. Because he could still. Feel. Those eyes. On him. Finally giving up, he sat up in bed, staring disgruntle at the pair of acid green eyes at the foot of his bed, wide and innocent and _pleading_ to be let up. Hiccup scowls for a moment, contemplating telling the beast to go back to bed, but sighed in resignation as he hung his head.

"All right," he said, his voice unusually loud in the mostly silent house, "you can get up here you overgrown lizard." Instantly, those eyes became happy, and he could swear that he could see those black ears perk up as they came closer. Finally, the pair of seemingly floating eyes came up next to his head; shaking slide to side slightly, in a way that Hiccup had learnt meant that Toothless was getting ready to pounce "gently" onto a surface. And just as he bounced up in the air just above his bed, Hiccup suddenly had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

But it was too late to tell the dragon otherwise. In a second, he'd plopped himself down onto the bed, making it creak and groan in protest to the sudden weight it was forced to bear. And to make matters worse, Toothless seemed to feel a bit uncomfortable, if his wiggling and squirming were any indication. Hiccup just tried to catch his breath again, after having it forced out of him when the heavy reptile bounced on him on his way onto the bed. Suddenly, there was an ominous "CRACK" from his bed, and he knew then that he was in trouble.

For a moment, everything was quiet and still, as if that crack had been able to make time freeze. But if it did have that power, then it only lasted for a second, because the next thing he knows, Hiccup's bed is breaking straight down the middle, the wooden structure splintering as it opened up, allowing for his mattress to pass through its new mouth, falling to the floor, slamming into the unforgiving wooden floor. He yelped, hissing in pain as his stump banged into the mattress, his hands automatically coming to cup the still hurting wound. To his credit, Toothless only let loose one "small" (as in Hiccup could still hear out of his ears and there was no ringing) roar at the sudden upheaval he had inadvertently forced. He started to look over the bed, head darting back and forth as he tried to see what had happened, confusion in his eyes as they tried to piece together how he had gotten from being up higher in the bed to suddenly being surrounded by wood and only a few inches from the ground that he thought he'd escaped from moments ago.

After a few moments of disoriented and painful moments, their eyes met, forest green staring into confused acid green, silence between them as they each waited for the other.

Finally, Hiccup sighed, running a hand through his slightly messed up, and now wood infected brown locks, surveying the damage before looking back at Toothless.

"Toothless," he began. "Maybe you shouldn't sleep in bed with me." The large and sad eyes that stared back at him told him exactly what his scaly companion thought of that. Suddenly, the door banged open, permitting his still sleepy father to enter.

"Hi dad," Hiccup said slightly nervously. His father just stared at him, before taking in the damage done. He lifted one of his large hands to his face, sighing as he realized immediately that a new bed frame would have to be made.

"What in the blazes were you thinking?" Stoick finally asked as he walked over to his son and the bed breaker.

"That I could defy the laws of physics and make the bed hold both of us," he sarcastically said back, grabbing the hand offered to him as he was raised out of the mess. Toothless climbed out after them, the prosthetic leg hanging in his mouth as he came over to his boy.

"Well, that just goes to show you."

"Yeah, never let your dragon cuddle in bed with you."

Note: So, that's the end of Chapter 1. If you have any suggestions for any other rules, just leave them in your review. Thanks. Bye.


	2. Forge

Disclaimer: Natsumi has failed to steal the rights of How to Train Your Dragon, so she still does not own it.

A/N: So, apparently Onoro is really liking this one. Very unusual for such a lazy secretary, but hey, at least she's doing something now. Well, gotta get going. Isuzu out.

Shout outs: **Nitro Fury,** thank you so much for your rules, they made me laugh and gave me wonderfully evil ideas  
><strong>cgthebeast<strong>__thank you also for your rules, very cute, and I can see Toothless doing that.  
>Enjoy!<p>

Things Toothless is Not Allowed to Do

_2. Toothless is not allowed to breathe fire in the forge_

_2a. Toothless is not allowed in the forge_

It really should have been obvious that dragons should not be allowed in the forge. Really, Hiccup should have been able to see this. But no, he just couldn't see that as much as Toothless was a relatively good (as in he had yet to eat anyone yet-yet being the operative word) dragon, Hiccup couldn't see the harm in bringing him into the forge. After all, the first time he'd taken him inside, he hadn't caused much damage besides a tossed bucket and drawing some unwanted attention from a certain blond suspicious Valkyrie. So really, Hiccup couldn't be completely blamed. No he couldn't be.

He blamed the useless reptile for being so deceptively good on their first time inside the forge.

As it is, the damage was done, and there was nothing to do except to rule around the forge in a panic while Gobber simply stared at him for a moment before going to get some water.

But perhaps we should look at the beginning.

It was a few days after the bed incident (Toothless had been forced to play bed to Hiccup until they could get a new bed) and Gobber had decided that Hiccup had to get back to his duties as his apprentice. Which, you know, was completely reasonable. I mean, Hiccup couldn't just go and teach people how to train their dragons, fly with Toothless all day and begin his lessons on how to be the chief and still not have time to be a blacksmith. Really, he didn't need that much sleep.

So he'd woken up way before the sun had even come to grace them with its brilliance, which didn't do him much good considering that Toothless _wouldn't let him go because the stupid lizard wasn't ready to wake up_. So instead of being able to be there at the crack of dawn, he'd only been able to wriggle his way out of Toothless's grip at that time, making him extremely late. And of course, there had to be a very cold wind that insisted on slapping him in the face repeatably while he half stumbled-half ran to the forge. And of course, he had forgotten to grab something to eat, because he was way too late to even consider eating-which was really bad considering that apprenticing to Gobber was really hard work, consisted of long hours, and not many breaks. So he'd gotten there, to find Gobber already working on unbending another sword. Luckily, he didn't have much to say other than his standard "Was wonderin' when ya' were gonna show up." Thank the gods for a master that wasn't much for punishment. As it was, he had a lot to catch up on. Even while he'd been able to give a basic design for the various saddles needed for the other dragons, there were a few (aka, at least half of the riders) that wanted customized saddles with metal in them. After that, there were stirrups to make, he'd have to sharpen swords, help Gobber in his latest project (which he still didn't quite get-it looked really weird) as well all the normal training and learning for the day. After all that, he'd have to clean the whole fort, put all the tools back in their proper place and such.

So he'd set to work, going as fast as he could while still doing a good job. His stomach growled at him every so often, but for the most part he ignored it. He went on working, sweating over fires, banging out dents, and doing what he should have been doing the past week.

He was so engrossed in his work that he failed to notice that his second shadow had finally decided that it was time to go find his human.

At first, everything was fine; all he did was come inside to watch Hiccup work. But after a while, it became obvious that he wanted some attention. It didn't start out as much, just a few coos and warbles to get his attention. After a while though, he started to get more…_active_. He'd start by simply moving a few items around, like buckets or hammers. Then, he'd bump up against Hiccup when he had a _really sharp and dangerous_ sword that was_ still hot from the fire_. Then, he started hovering. At first, it was just behind Hiccup, but then he decided that the best way to hover was to be right in front of him. While he was working. Over. The fire.

And of course, the stupid dragon just had to sneeze.

It wasn't really that bad at first, just a normal, small sneeze that only gave way to tiny sparks. But the more that he stayed over the fire, the more he sneezed. And the more he sneezed, the bigger the sparks became. Hiccup tried to chase him out, but that useless reptile was way too stubborn. Didn't help that the one time both he and Gobber had managed to drag him out, he'd started roaring at the door, giving out pathetic coos and butting his head against the door. So they'd had to let him back in, least one of the villagers suddenly find themselves with a clingy dragon that wanted his Hiccup back.

They really should have just left him out there. As it was, they had let him back in, and he had gone right back to hovering. And sneezing.

When Hiccup gave another gust of air to the station he was working at, it seemed that it was all that Toothless could take. The particles flew up, invading his nostrils, and irritating him until he sneezed out fire. Multiple times. With each flame increasing in size and distance. At the last minute, Toothless turned away from the fire he was over, and just as he turned around, he sneezed, causing his flame to come into contact with the wooden frame of the building. And continued to sneeze, each fire bolt of his exploding as it connected with something flammable inside the shop.

And so this is how Hiccup came to be running around the shop in a panic, alternating between dragging Toothless out of the forge, trying to save what he could, and having a panic attack while Gobber simply went to go get water to put out the flames.

It wasn't until later, after they'd managed to magically save the forge from total destruction, that Hiccup had been able to finally have a moment to regain control over himself. As he surveyed the damage done by his friend, he came to two conclusions.

One: Toothless was never going to be allowed back in the forge, no matter how much he whined.

Two: Hiccup was not going to be able to finish up the new axe for Astrid.


	3. Swallowing

Disclaimer: Natsumi does not own DreamWorks or How to Train Your Dragon.

A/N: Okay, so things are doing pretty good in terms of writing, especially where Toothless is concerned. Which is good, because I don't like fighting characters-it takes too much energy. Anyways, this is the latest. Hope you enjoy. Onoro out.  
>Shout outs: <strong>Wolfe<strong>, thank you for the entertainment you provided while I wrote this.

Things Toothless is Not Allowed to Do

_3. Toothless is not ever allowed to swallow other Vikings, no matter what they do to Hiccup._

A week had passed since the forge incident, with Toothless still not allowed in the forge on pain of no flying for a week, when something totally unexpected happened. One of the tribes from the south had decided to come over. It wasn't like they didn't know that they'd be coming over-it was just about the right time for one of them to come visit. However, in all the excitement that had come over the village, no one had been able to remember that they were due for a visit. So naturally, when they say a ship coming into harbor, they did the only thing they could: have five seconds of panic and chaos, followed by a command from Stoick, mass confusion and slight fright from the dragons, and a call for Hiccup. By the time that Hiccup was called out of the forge and away from Toothless's grabby paws, the ship had just pulled up to port.

And apparently, the Vikings on board were _not_ happy.

"Stoick! Ya lousy excuse for a leader! What've ya done," Drust the Chaos Maker shouted as he jumped out of his ship and onto the pier. Immediately, several of his more level-headed men came rushing behind him, trying to calm him down, saying that there had to be a reasonable explanation for what they say, it couldn't be what it was, and please don't start a civil war when we don't have enough weapons with us now!

Naturally, there was a shouting match between the two leaders, one trying to explain what was going on, the other being completely ignorant of his argument and demanding that the village of Berk reaffirm their vows of Viking-hood, and that there be punishment for such unholy binding between Vikings and dragons.

Which was right where Hiccup came in.

In retrospect, Hiccup really should have realized that no matter how long it had been since he'd had to listen to his instincts that always tried to avoid things like this- he _really_ should have listened to them this time. For one, he was not going up against a dragon. Two, he was trying to break up a fight between two, fully grown, armed and arguing Vikings. Not just any Vikings, but the leaders. Never mind that his father wouldn't hurt him intentionally-all it'd take was one punch and he'd be down. And it wasn't like Drust would even think anything of knocking him around. Not to mention all the other Vikings that were surrounding him.

As it was, the inevitable happened.

Hiccup had come between the two, just as his father had finished yelling in the other leader's face, when Hiccup came into his view. And then, all Hel broke loose. Drust had grabbed him, shaking him violently, and anger in his eyes as he shouted at him about how he had done something bad, that Hiccup had to pay for the stain he'd brought to the village of Berk and other things too that Hiccup couldn't hear over the sudden roar that came after he let out a yelp of pain.

What happened next would haunt Drust the Chaos Maker for the rest of his days. In a move that seemed to defy the laws of physics, anatomy and possibility, Toothless had managed to work his way through and over the crowd, tore Drust away from Hiccup, and shoved _half of his body into his mouth._ And kept him there. While he tried to get out, his yells muffled by the walls of muscle, skin and bone.

The silence that surrounded the dragon was deafening, as they all stared at the dragon with either shock, awe or fear. Stoick stared at him with wide eyes, a slight twitch evident as he stared at the great beast and the legs of the man that had just manhandled his son a few moments ago. Hiccup stared at Toothless in a mix of awe, shock and oh-gods-he's-going-to-be-so-mad-when-he-gets-out-of-there fear. It took a few moments, but then, the chaos that had previously reined returned with a vengeance. The Vikings from Drust's tribe went into a frenzy trying to pull him out of Toothless. Hiccup's village went into overload trying to keep the other Vikings away as well as get Toothless to spit Drust back out.

By the time that everything had settled down enough for Hiccup to be able to get to Toothless, the dragon was sitting on his hindquarters, his acid green eyes looking around in a mix of confusion and happiness. After all, he'd been a good dragon and had protected Hiccup from the mean and smelly other non-Berkian Viking that had dared to lay a hand on his Hiccup. But why had the other Vikings tried to get him out? Psh! Humans, they were never happy with anything he did. As it was, he'd had to spit him out (and whoa did he taste nasty-he needed to take a bath or something. Or maybe bathe in some cod. Cod was always good.)

"Toothless?" The dragon turned to his human, ears perked up, and his eyes smiling. "Please don't do that again." Hiccup turned to walk away, Toothless following behind. As they passed the scene on the other side of the pier: Drust slimy with dragon saliva, twitching radically, his villagers crowded around him, his father trying to mend the bridge between them, the other dragons with their riders as they tried to get to them, and other general chaos.

"Ever."


	4. Great Hall

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: So yeah, it's been a while since we've updated. We're sorry, okay, SORRY! But unlike _some people_ (glares at friend who has no life) we have shit to do. So, I hope that you all enjoy this little piece. It took five kinds of forever, mostly because none of us secretaries could decide how to do this. Anyways, hope you enjoy. Bye!

Things Toothless is Not Allowed to Do

_4. Toothless is not allowed in the Great Hall_

Things had been getting a lot better since the Swallowing Incident as it had been come to be known as. Toothless, as per usual, had been following Hiccup around everywhere (with exception to the forge since he was still forbidden from it, no matter how much he batted his pretty green eyes) and trying to help him out where he could. Hiccup, in turn, had tried to make what accommodations he could for his scaled companion, making sure that he flew with him at least twice a day (long flights, not short trips from one end of the village to another) and make sure that he was well taken care of and most importantly, out of trouble.

Still, he should have known that sooner or later, there would be trouble. Especially troubles of epic proportions.

It had started out innocently enough. Hiccup had been hungry, and didn't feel like just going down the street to get some fish that had been caught earlier that morning. Rather, he wanted to go and eat some chicken, maybe a cup of mead, and whatever else there was. In other words, he wanted to go eat at the Great Hall. He figured that he might as well, after all, it wasn't like he'd been there recently, what with Toothless preferring to go hunting for his dinner and sharing it with Hiccup. But he didn't quite feel like that right now, especially with the whole regurgitation thing that Toothless _still_ insisted on doing every time they went out hunting.

So he went to the Great Hall, paying absolutely no mind to the winged walking and _flying_ disaster that insisted on following him. No, no, he just ignored them and went on his way, letting his stomach steal his precious brain cells that were currently only telling him _food good, Great Hall equals food_.

The trip there was uneventful. It was only a few buildings from the forge, so there wasn't much for Hiccup to trip over, not that he would have, considering that Toothless was still in a very protective mood since Drust had come. (But seriously, Toothless had to get over it, because having a dragon keep anyone from going into the bathrooms while he was inside was a little much.) So they had meandered their way to the Hall, Hiccup saying hello to the passing Vikings, giving passing dragons a few scratches and pats here and there.

It wasn't until they were inside the Hall that things became…interesting.

Toothless didn't seem to be too interested in his surroundings, preferring to follow Hiccup as he went to get some mead and whatever was available in the Hall. The dragon simply meandered behind him, allowing his gaze to leave his human every once in a while so that he could scan for any possible Vikings that might want to hurt him. Once they reached the area where the food was, however, was when trouble began. Naturally, there was a lot to choose from-chicken, mead, whale, and various types of fish.

And cod.

Lots of cod.

As in _Toothless's favorite fish in the whole world_ cod.

Yes. They were all doomed.

As it was, Hiccup could already feel the feeling of impending doom upon him. Toothless, however, didn't seem to think that. Instead, he seemed to think that it was all a feast for him to eat, devour, and stuff himself on. And naturally, the other villagers were a combination of scrambling out of his way and trying to keep him away from the cod that they had.

In short, it was absolute chaos.

Fists were flying, Toothless was eating as he ran, Hiccup was forgotten in the crowd as he tried desperately to get Toothless to stop and fish were _everywhere_. On the floor, flying through the air, hitting people in the face, and, of course, in Toothless's mouth.

What would happen during this time would never be mentioned again in anyone's presence, and the events would be whispered about for months to come, not to mention passed down the generations as a battle of epic proportions. A fight that was something like no one had ever seen. And the aftermath was just as memorable: some Vikings lying face up, dazed, confused and wondering why they were hurting so much when the last thing they remembered was trying to save some fish.

By the time that Hiccup and Toothless were reunited, Hiccup had resolved himself to never let his scaly guardian into the Hall ever again.

"Toothless," he began. "I'm making some rules for you now. This…is on the top of the list." Toothless just looked innocently at him, even as he licked the last of the fish from his lips.

"You're not allowed in here again."

…

Blink.

And now came the patent puppy eyes, begging that it not to be true, begging not to be barred from this magical place of fish and fun, away from the endless entertainment of the other humans tripping over themselves as they tried in a futile struggle to keep him from the scrumptious meal that was actually able to satisfy his hunger so completely. He nudged his human gently with his head, staring up at him as he tried to cajole him into reprieve such a terrible rule, but Hiccup remained firm.

And so began the list…


	5. Roaring

Disclaimer: Not mine. Sadly.

A/N: Hello everyone! I hope we haven't been keeping you waiting too long. Anyways, I'd like to thank everyone for reviewing and giving me so many wonderful suggestions. I'll try my best to do what's been offered, but after the other ones that I already have planned. So, thanks, hope to see you soon! Please leave me a little review, if you would be so kind! Later! – Michiko, witch secretary

Things Toothless is Not Allowed to Do

_5. Toothless is not allowed to instigate a dragon roaring contest._

It had been a few days after the Battle of Cod, as it was now referred to the incident, and things had finally calmed down, with the offended Vikings from it finally having stopped glaring at the great beast, although those who had tried to actively get between the dragon and its food were still wearing the bruises from before. But for the most part, things were normal: the fishermen were fishing, the children were rough housing, the Vikings were being Vikings, and the dragons were all softly growling at each other.

Just as Toothless happened to walk by them, following Hiccup as usual.

Yeah, that was gonna have to stop soon.

But, unfortunately for all the people there, it was not going to stop anytime soon. You see, when Toothless walked by, he didn't just go along all happy and cheerful and "quiet" as he usually did. Oh no, today, it seemed, Toothless was determined to antagonize all the other dragons as he walked behind Hiccup, whom was completely unaware of what his sly dragon was up to. He didn't see the way that Toothless swatted the snouts of the other dragons with his tail, or when he stomped on their claws, his own digging in painfully into the scaly paws.

In fact, whenever he did turn back, usually to see what it was that was causing that pained hissing that he would occasionally hear behind him, all he'd see was Toothless, ears perked, eyes large and happy, walking with a slightly bouncy gait.

Yes, Hiccup was definitely suspicious of his scaly companion.

Still, he could not find any proof of his mischief, and had nothing to go on, seeing as he was unable to understand the dragons' growls and gurgles, and thus unable to communicate to them, and them to him. So, he was unable to do anything about Toothless's behavior, save for giving him suspicious glances, his eyebrow raised and his mouth just slightly pouted, in that way that said "What are you up to?"

So they continued down the street, Toothless still batting at the other dragons, until he goes up to Fireworm.

When he swats at Fireworm, Snotlout's Monstrous Nightmare, everything changes.

Instead of simply glowering at him, Fireworm tries to take a bite at his tail, causing the Night Fury to turn back, and give a warning growl, which went largely unnoticed. At that point Hiccup had turned around, ready to settle things between the two of them as they started their stare-off.

Then, suddenly, all Hel broke loose.

Toothless, in true Alpha Male form, roared out, his head reared up, his teeth bared, and his pupils dilated. It was almost as good as the one that he had done when Hiccup and Toothless had first met in the grove. Although, the lack of loudness could be due to the fact that he wasn't pinned beneath him, his maw just a few inches from his face. So yes, it was probably the same roar as before, just different in that Hiccup wasn't pinned under a heavy, angry, possibly hungry dragon that he thought would have liked nothing more than to eat him.

Yeah, he really needed to stop thinking about that.

But anyways, it seemed that yelling at the dragons to stop, be quiet, please, Toothless, can't we just _leave,_ wasn't the best thing to do. Especially once it became clear that Toothless took that as an insult to his dragon pride, as he looks toward him, his face pulled together in a way that screams indignity. That is all Hiccup has to see, to know that this is going to be a long day.

And indeed, it didn't take long for him to realize that this would be the understatement of the year. It didn't take two minutes for the two dragons to start roaring at ever increasing volumes, wings flared with each roar, tails whipping around dangerously, fast and heavy with untamable energy. And then, it seemed like all the other dragons decided to join in on it as well. It started with the other Monstrous Nightmares, all trying to contend with Fireworm, trying to lay claim to the greatest roar for all Nightmares, all jiving to be heard. Then, the Gronkles had come into play, their deep bellows providing a base for the more Tenor-like Nightmares, whom gave it a kind of rhythm. Then the Terrors started to hiss, growling and giving off their own little roars, adding to the growing noise. And when the Zipplebacks got into it, the normally silent and gruff voices fit into the others just perfectly, their roars of a slightly higher pitched variety, adding to the overall sound a more alto tone. They all roared together, each one trying to be heard, all trying to become the top dragon, the struggle for being loudest continuing on and on.

And the Toothless, in true diva-better-than-you-highest-and-most-pure-note-getter soprano fashion, suddenly came out of nowhere after dropping out, giving the loudest, highest, most ear-shattering roar of them all, forcing all the villagers to cover their ears, all of them instinctually curling up a bit where they stood, their forms hunching up as though this could somehow protect their precious ears from his terrifying scream-like growl that was able to penetrate their cupped hands and ravage their ears drums. The dragons, whom had even more sensitive hearing, didn't even flinch, only whipped their heads toward Toothless, each of them stopping, while he continued to roar, all of them lowering their heads, even if minutely, knowing when they had lost. And Toothless, once he'd finished his spectacular ability to out do every single dragon that dared to proclaim themselves better than him, sat there in front of them all, absolutely preening, his wins displayed, his tail lashing back and forth, his head held high, nose in the air, telling everyone "Yeah, I'm better than you."

Hiccup just shook his head, making a mental note to add this to the list.


	6. Alcohol 2

_Disclaimer: not mine._

_A/N: Okay, I know it's been a while since we've updated, but this was a really hard chapter to do, especially in light of certain events (aka people). Now, in honor of my beloved's 21st birthday, allow me to present this chapter on alcohol. Onoro out._

_Shout outs: Theatre Shadow, thank you for giving me an awesome accompanying rule for my own. It made this chapter awesome._

Things Toothless is Not Allowed to Do

6. Toothless is not allowed to drink Stoick's mead

7. Toothless is not allowed to fly drunk

You would think that of all the things a curious, intelligent, inquisitive and bored dragon would get into, alcohol would be the last. After all, there were plenty of other things to get into at the village: the fishery, the fields with lambs and the occasional cow, the forest where the younger villagers went into, trying to "hunt" wild animals, that he could scare shitless, the women's bath house where he could make absolute chaos as they all chased him around (actually, that sounded like a good idea to him-he'd have to do that soon), the men's bath house, the caves, maybe go around the mountains and find a grizzly bear (did they have grizzlies here? He'd seen them in his earlier travels. Maybe he'd get lucky and find a big old polar bear that had lost its way) and so many other places.

And in comparison to all these other, wonderful, bigger places, a jug of mead should not have seemed all that appealing at all. After all, it was small, commonplace, smelled funny, and belonged to Stoick. The big, mean, really loud father of his favorite (and only, if he would be honest with himself) human, the one human he'd promised never to hurt, which, to an extent, meant that Stoick couldn't be hurt either. Much.

As it was, he still shouldn't have tried that beer.

But, being the curious creature he was, Toothless couldn't help but wonder about it. He'd seen all of the other Vikings drinking, had seen Stoick drink from his cup, had seen everyone (except Hiccup, very sensible that one) drink from it, which always seemed to lighten their moods. So he'd been curious, and damn him and his kind if that wasn't enough to make him want to try some. But he couldn't just go up and take some. He'd tried that already, and he'd been shooed away from it. Then, they'd huddle over it, and occasionally glare at him if he got too close. Silly humans, didn't they know that all he wanted was to see what made it was that made the shiny water so special for them. Really, they should know that he just needs to sate his curiosity. After all, a curious dragon was a smart dragon. So long as said dragon didn't get too curious, that is (poor Uncle Fire-Ball, he never did know when to stop bothering the nesting dragonesses).

And so he'd been set on getting a taste of that strange and seemingly powerful concoction that all the humans seemed so fond of.

At least now he knew that he couldn't get to it the direct way. Still, there had to be other ways to get it…except that the only time he ever saw it outside in the open, at the barns or anywhere that he could go (that list was getting shorter, unfortunately) they all seemed to be very aware of his presence, and seemed to have taken it upon themselves to keep an eye on him when they could afford to. He still didn't understand why that was; after all, it wasn't like he'd ever done anything that bad (and ignore all those who would dare say that the great and mighty Toothless has done wrong).

Still, he needed a way to get that drink! But how? How could he get to such a guarded treasure when all those that he could take it from were keeping watch of him?

It seemed that he needed to be stealthy.

So, he scouted out the village. Mind you, he was extremely stealthy about his scouting, going about as if he wasn't doing anything at all, just walking around the village, not doing anything suspicious at all, really, silly humans, no need to glare and ask what he's up to.

Alas, it seemed that the fates were against him, for whenever he went about without his human (who still did not allow him into the forge) they were always suspicious of him, even when he put on his most innocent why-I'm just-a-cute-dragon-on-a-walk face. So it seemed that perhaps, he would have to wait for nightfall, in order to get a taste.

So after many hours of the sun glaring down upon the village, he went about the village once more, this time intent on finding an unguarded cup of whatever it was that they were drinking, and to have it.

It turned out easier to do than he initially thought. For some strange reason, the villager seemed to be in a very joyous mood, all of them outside in the open air, "making merry," he believed the human saying was. So really, it should have been way easier to get the drink. As it was, they all seemed to not ever let go of their drinks, always putting it to their lips, guzzling it down, refilling it, and consuming more of it. Which, of course, made him all the more determined to get it.

So when Stoick had left his drink unattended in order to stop some Vikings from killing each other (although Toothless did not see how that could happen, considering how both of them seemed to be swaying back and forth, faces flushed. Perhaps they were sick?), Toothless went up to his cup and gazed in. The liquid sparkled ever so prettily, just like the steel armor some of the Vikings wore. It rippled and moved just as the water in the lake, beckoning and calling him with how lovely it sparkled in the pale light given off from the fire. However, unlike the water of the lake, it was not a rich blue, but rather a golden brown, tinted slightly darker than the water, calling for him to try it, have it, drink it.

And who was he to deny such a call?

So he'd gently taken the drink between his jaws, carefully bringing it up from the table, making sure not to spill any of the precious contents from within until he'd cleared the edge of the table. Then, in a move that he'd seen other humans do with their hands, he quickly flicked back his head, and downed all the contents in one gulp.

Which, to his great displeasure, he instantly regretted. It burned going down, and what he did taste was a very bitter and repulsive flavor, not at all what he would have expected from something that the humans seemed so enamored with. However, after a moment, he felt a warmth settling in his stomach, spreading outward and warming his entire body. Hmmm, perhaps he needed another taste in order to find out whether or not it was as good as the humans thought. So he went over to where some barrels with outlets were, waited until no one was around, and then batted his nose against the tap, unleashing a rush of that warming liquid, which he immediately began to down, rapidly getting the sensation that he'd hope to get, and going back for more. By the time he'd finished the drink, several Vikings had gathered around, yelling at him, shoving him away, and trying to get him away from that wonderful drink.

He pushed against them, trying to get back to them when he heard his little human yell. Instantly, he was stumbling toward the sound, gurgling and roaring occasionally, bumping into tables and people and poles, staggering back and forth in his quest for his human, trying to discern the various objects that seemed to stretch and bend, where light seemed to captivate him on his journey, temporarily distracting him from his goal until he heard Hiccup yell again for him. The drunken dragon was completely unaware of the fact that Hiccup was behind him, pushing through the crowd of Vikings, only to be swept back from the lashing tail, which seemed to have been lost to the control of the scaled beast. By the time that Toothless had realized that Hiccup was behind him, he was going through the giddy stage, giving his famous toothless smile, and affectionately nuzzling his head against his human, before he suddenly got the absolutely brilliant idea that they should go flying. Right now. When he was drunk.

"Help me," whispered Hiccup as he realized what his insane friend wanted of him. Instantly, Hiccup knew that he was going to be up in the air, flying on a wild, drunk, and very uncoordinated dragon, and probably soon, seeing as Toothless had managed to somehow throw him onto his back. By instinct alone, Hiccup had unconsciously clicked his metallic foot in. The next thing he knew, Toothless was taking off through the crowd, still bumping into people and things, knocking them over and running them over.

And out of the blue, they were suddenly leaping off a cliff, and in the air.

The next morning, Toothless woke up in a tree, Hiccup still attached to his back, twisted toward the left, alive.

He had a headache, some minor aches and pains, and a frantic, irritated human that would probably be very upset with him, and a stomach ache, but overall, the collateral damage to himself didn't seem that bad.

So really, the glare that Hiccup was giving him was completely unwarranted. This, Toothless firmly believed, even as they made their way back to the village, bypassing burned trees, broken branches, shattered rocks, a few animals that were still cowering hours after their ordeal, and a trail of half eaten fish.

When they reached the village, they found that even now, there were a vast majority of the people there working, putting together houses, tables, rebuilding a few things, and then all of them stopping. To stare. At him.

Yeah, he was in trouble.

Now if only he could remember what it was he was in trouble for, then he'd be able to know what was going on the rules.

_Closing note: It has come to my attention that certain reviewers are being a bit, how do I say this, pushy about their rules. Please understand that I have a very demanding schedule to keep, and that I do this on my own time, according to my schedule. Don't worry; I'll get to your requested rules, but in my own time. That is all, thanks. Enjoy!_


	7. Food

_Disclaimer: Not mine. No money._

_A/N: (Isuzu): Hi guys. Long time no write. Sorry about the long delay, but things have been hell here. Plus, the bunnies were dying, and we were forced to adjust our breeding and feeding habits for them. But they are now healthy and starting to make a comeback. So, I would like to introduce you to the new secretary, Sephora. (Sephora): Hi.(Isuzu): We let her man the chapter to see what she can do. Feedback would be nice, so please do not hesitate to say what you think. However, please know that if you make her cry, that she has been taken under Gabrielle's wings, so beware and no flames please. Thank you all so much for your patience. Isuzu out._

_For Space Between Seconds_

Things Toothless is Not Allowed to Do

8. Toothless is not allowed to prepare food for Hiccup

Toothless really had to stop getting ideas from humans. In fact, if he would just stop thinking of completely innocent things to do, it might be for the better.

Why was this?

Because when he wanted to do something that was completely innocent and good in all ways of thinking, things always turned out bad.

Like now.

In all honesty, Hiccup should have come up with a way to fool Toothless into thinking that he ate his ever so generously offered fish, so that he would not have to eat it and then would not be on the receiving end of Toothless's pout when he saw that he didn't eat his gift. He'd been able to get out of it the last few times by saying he'd eaten already, but Hiccup knew that sooner or later he'd have to eat it again.

What he didn't know was that Toothless had decided that it was time to make it really special.

Apparently, he'd seen the way that some of the other Vikings did things to mark anniversaries, or special milestones for different people, like birthdays, and had decided to do something for their own upcoming anniversary. Which was really sweet of him to consider, but completely unnecessary since Hiccup wasn't even planning anything for their special day, besides more flying than usual and a good rub down of Toothless's scales with that special mixture that he was so fond of.

As it was, Toothless had wanted to do it, and what Toothless wanted, he usually got (provided that it wasn't on the list-stupid thing seemed to grow longer every day).

Apparently, he'd been planning for a while, but had been unsure how to go about doing it. Normally, he would have gone to the kitchens and seen what they did, but whenever he got anywhere near them, he'd find the door barred and shut, with a bunch of angry cooks wielding hard wooden spoons and spatulas ready to defend their domain. Needless to say, he wasn't a big fan of them. Especially when they would hit him over the nose repeatedly because of past events that were so totally not his fault. So that left personal dwellings, which meant that, he was limited to Hiccup's home. After all, he couldn't go to any of the other human dwellings without eliciting some kind of reception that translated to "go away, this is my home and my humans, go get your own" from the other dragons. In fact, the only way that he could have been allowed in was if he was a Terrible Terror, something that made him shudder. As it was, though, the household of Stoick the Vast did not tend to cook much in their own home.

So considering all the obstacles in his way, he really should have just taken it as a sign from the gods that he was not meant to cook.

At all.

Especially since he had no experience.

Yeah, that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

So he'd decided to just wing it.

In all honesty, it didn't turn out quite as bad as it should have. Toothless managed to not pick out any plants that would have killed him instantly and somehow avoided the ones that would have eventually destroyed his body inside out. Instead, he'd managed to get a hold of some unknown and foreign plant that wasn't native to Berk (which begged the question of how in Hel it was able to survive there) that seemed to be able to make Hiccup feel like absolute, complete and utter shit.

But let's go back to how this all happened.

It was, as stated earlier, because of their little anniversary, and Toothless was just trying to make a special meal for Hiccup. First, he went "fishing," aka stole some fish from the wharf early in the morning when he was still relatively unnoticeable and no one was awake enough to pay attention to him and returned home to drop off the fish.

Next, he got his human, which was a lot easier said than done, considering that Hiccup was able to sleep like the dead after a long night of idea making. So it took him three nose nudges, two licks to the face, two blanket tug-o-wars and five minutes of coos to finally get Hiccup to wake up. It then took another five minutes to convince him that even though the bed was nice and warm, he needed to get up and out of it so that he could start his day.

After about thirty minutes, Hiccup was finally coherent enough to stop trying to fall asleep where he stood/sat.

So after a small normal breakfast, they went flying, not really going anywhere in particular just content to be with each other on one of the only days that they would have together with no distractions.

After a few hours of flying, Toothless finally decided that it was time to get started on the special lunch. So he started to get them back home. On the way there, he dropped Hiccup off at the forge per his request (even without fighting dragons, the Vikings were still a fighting people and thus often bent/broke their swords), which allowed Toothless plenty of time to get cooking.

Dragging his various ingredients together to the back of the house, he stared at it all, trying to recall everything that he would need in order to do this.

Step one: make a fire. Easy enough, he just had to go and some wood; just gather, aim, fire.

Step two: cook the fish. But how? He stared intently at the fish, tail swishing back and forth as he contemplated, before he remembered how Hiccup would stick a stick into the fish and put it near the fire. After ten minutes of careful moves, failed attempts and stick finding, he was finally able to take the fish and stick it into the ground and get some herbs on it.

Step three: wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And…

What was that?

Something caught his eyes from across the way, something bright and flashy.

Shiny.

There was a shiny thing across the way.

Toothless turned toward the cooking fish, then back to the shiny thing. He weighed his options, thinking of what he should do: go after the shiny or stay and watch the food. The shiny thing suddenly moved, and in that moment, sealed its own fate. Toothless bounded toward it, eyes smiling, ears perked, and absolutely enthralled. The shiny kept moving, and swaying, and flying and the smell of burning was there.

Which meant that it was time to turn around and panic as he got the fire out. Honestly, couldn't he take five seconds for himself before everything started falling apart?

Still, the fish wasn't too badly burnt, and besides, Toothless was sure that Hiccup had eaten worse.

Step four: roll fish in special herbs he had found. That turned out to be the most fun part of the whole thing. He started just doing it all serious like, wanting to do a good job, but something just kind of tickled him funny about it. He was rolling a fish around. And once that thought struck, he couldn't keep himself from rolling it in different ways. First spinning it in a circle, the flopping it around, then going up and down, then side to side, and then figure eights. It was quite fun, even if it did make it so that the fish was no longer quite as pretty and whole as it had been before, but hey, at least it was all covered in herbs now.

Step five: give it to Hiccup. Who was currently coming up the hill that lead to his house. Instantly, Toothless perked up at the sight of his human, and, grabbing the now done fish on a stick, he trotted down, a little bounce in his steps. After the mandatory hello nuzzles (it was mandatory, after all, he had been forced from his human, and nuzzles and pets were a must to make up for that separation) he presented his human with the fish.

"Oh, gee, thanks buddy," Hiccup said, an awkward smile on his face. It seemed vaguely familiar to Toothless, although he could not place what. "You shouldn't have, really, I'm not that hungry."

That would not do at all. Toothless had worked hard for that fish! Nudging Hiccup, Toothless gurgled at him, eyes going between his human and the fish, until finally, Hiccup brought it up to his mouth and mumbled something that sounded like, "I'm going to regret this."

Turns out, Toothless regretted it more. Not five minutes after stomaching the fish, his human had gone green in the face. Then, he had clutched at his stomach, as though in pain. Then he had wobbled off rather rapidly to a nearby tree, hunched over, and puked. Which kind of ticked Toothless off because he could see some of the fish in that puke. He would have been a lot more angry if it weren't for the fact that his human was dying! Panicked, Toothless had jumped over to where Hiccup was hunched over, roaring in panic as he tried to get a response from the sick human. Toothless ran in circles for a bit, going up to his human and nudging him, then backing away to panic again before trying to comfort him by cooing and curling up to him. None of it worked. Then, Hiccup finally stopped puking, only to fall onto his side and give one pain filled groan before going silent.

Toothless felt rather justified in losing it then.

He couldn't really remember what happened next. Vaguely, he could recall grabbing the human with his mouth like a mother cat with a kitten and then racing into the village below. He remembered a Nadder that shrieked in pain when he trampled over its toes, a female Viking flying, her basket of eggs whirling from her hands, shouts of anger and surprise, and someone trying to grab his tail. There may or may not have been an incident involving a Gronkle licking at a rock, a Nightmare with her rider, a stray axe and a dress. He wasn't too sure about the incident with a Zippleback and some basket full of lettuce either.

The end result, however, was the same.

He made a mess of the village (again), but got to the person that he was looking for: the healer. It took an eternity (really just five seconds) of pawing at the door and whining with his poor human (now covered in bits of egg, feathers, and a forest green dress laying over his head) before the healer opened the door. She did not even get a moment to ask what he wanted, because Toothless just rushed in, knocking the poor woman down. After lying him down on the cleared table (there was something heating on the fireplace, but he paid it and the wooden dishes next to it no mind), he turned to the healer and bellowed at her. She stared for five seconds in shock, before her rage came back, and she somehow managed to kick him out. (No one was sure what happened in there, but rumor has it that she grabbed an eel and started to hit him with it.)

It took two hours before Toothless was allowed back in, and by then, most of the villagers and their dragons had stopped glaring at him, except for that Nadder and Gronkle. After the door opened (Toothless did not jump in this time, in fact he backed up and looked at the healer warily), she beckoned him in, just as Stoick came up the path.

She explained what happened. He had food poisoning. It was not fatal. He would be fine. Let him rest, make sure he drank lots of fluids and ate only bread for a few days. And never do it again.

Three weeks, two sessions of hurling and one feeling better human later, and Hiccup told Toothless the newest rule: no cooking, EVER.


End file.
